[ReaderWarning: This page may contains some very sensitive subject matter. If you experience ED triggers, I would not continue reading.]
I'm currently a college graduate spending my summer after graduation in North Dakota. I'm a long ways from where I began in Vancouver, Canada but I'm far away to find myself and what I really want to do with this crazy question of life. What really brought me so far was the love of a game and the opportunities that arose from it, which was led to be on softball scholarships for my post secondary educatin. For my freshman and sophomore year, softball took me to a complete opposite of a location by Amarillo, Texas. Than for my junior and senior year, I went a whole other direction heading to Jamestown, North Dakota.
Now that we've covered logistics, lets get into the deep stuff. I spent my teenage years by my dad's side after my parents divorced in 2003, and although he's the best dad ever, the only meals we ever truly mastered were spaghetti and anything that you nuke out of a box. Throughout highschool, my body confidence and image plummed in a down spiral due to the inability to control certain uncontrollables in life.
At 17 years old, years of processed cheese caught up to me and gave me horrible stomach symptoms and I was soon diagnosed with lactose intolerance. Soon after this diagnosis, weight fell of me as I began to think about what I was eating and I began to make more conscious eating decisions. In my grade twelve year, I made it my goal to achieve a softball scholarship and worked tirelessly, training multiple times a day and pushing myself to absolute exhaustion. My dreams were put to a harsh pause when I injured my arm and was told I'd be out for the rest of season. Having lost complete and utter control over my dreams, I struggled to hold onto any bit of control I could, and I directed my energy negatively towards an extreme weight loss goal. I met this goal in two months, losing nearly 30 pounds. Being as I was a strong, muscular athlete prior to my eating disorder, and consequently people talked and gossiped about my appearance. Wanting to escape the town and all its judgemental ways motivated me even more to athletically better and go away to college. So by some sort of luck, I was able to play in one (very major) scouting tournament and was recruited to a small junior college in Texas.
West Texas was a huge culture shock me, as I was labelled the smallest on the softball team from first sight, instantly labelled "the team pole" and being referred to as "the ballerina". My disordered eating and weight rollercoastered that year, from me not eating at all to me binging out on anything that my dorm room held.
Around Christmas of that year, my stomach problems returned but took a turn for the worse. I would hiccup anything I tried to eat. That was the point that I became truly scared. When I went home that year, I was diagnosed with wheat intolerance. Realizing the effect my negative behavior had on my health, I got help and I began the ever so bumpy road to recovery (with many the speed bumps and detours).
Today, there is still struggles from time to time, but for the most part I am happy and healthy. As my wise coach in Texas said, "It might not always be easy, and sometimes it'll be hard as hell, all any of us can do is put one foot in front of the other and take it all one day at a time."
Thank you for reading and remember, health is a journey, not a destination.